Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
