I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
two words: eviction party
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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