woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
