Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
