i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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