dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
