R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
