Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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