when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
