Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
