So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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