oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
