im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize