i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
