I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
