Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
