R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
