I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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