didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wear drunk well.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
