She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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