Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
