toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
