are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
