the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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