Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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