I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
