it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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