you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
