Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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