My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
