Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
