Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
