My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
