Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
