woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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