can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
