just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
