you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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