I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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