OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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