Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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