apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
