Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
