mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
