so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
