Plan B is the new Plan A
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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