i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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