Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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