part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
