yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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