Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
