Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize