I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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