What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize