gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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