but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well you can't waste a boner
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize