grandma shit on top of the toilet
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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