When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
