we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
