smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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