Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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