I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I party with great urgency now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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