My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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