i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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