The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
