did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
