i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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