I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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