Michael Bay diarrhea
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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